Feb. 24, 2021

66. Reducing Violence in the Home with Sabrina Osso

66. Reducing Violence in the Home with Sabrina Osso

TW: In this episode we talk about domestic violence and verbal abuse.

In this episode, my guest is Sabrina Osso. Sabrina is Tedx speaker and the Founder and CEO of OSSO SAFE, a company that consults on promoting safety and preventing violence in the workplace, schools, and in places of residence. Sabrina has long dealt with violence on a personal level. She knows how difficult it is to live in such a chaotic environment.  Sabrina and Osso Safe want to make a positive impact in people’s lives, whether they’ve been directly affected by violence or not. In this episode we discuss her own story, why victims can’t just leave, the impact of porn on this topic, and how those who don’t experience abuse can identify signs and be allies in this work.

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Luke: [00:00:00] Thank you Imperfect listeners for tuning into this week's episode. I'm with Sabrina Osso the first question I always ask my guests is who is one person dead or alive that you'd like to have over for dinner. And what would you cook for them?
Sabrina: [00:00:12] Wow dead or alive, I would say Oprah Winfrey and what I would cook for her. Oh, I, I make a really good beat on the SU. The, the desserts I would I would make sure that that would be the finale to the meal. That would be my choice.
Luke: [00:00:34] Perfect. I always love a good dessert. So anytime there's a dessert offered, I am a fan of that. But I really want to know. A lot more about your story. I know that the work you do is critical to making the home, office and school free of violence. This episode, I really want to hone in more on the at-home aspects with everything that's going on with COVID and, and the world. But I really want to understand what's your story with domestic violence and why were you interested in starting a company around that topic?
Sabrina: [00:01:08] Sure. Thank you for having me. It's a great opportunity. So I just wanted to say that right off the bat. I, after many years of therapy and I'm still in and out of therapy, I could say that I am a victim of violence. My father beat my mother on a regular basis. So my childhood was very, it was violent, chaotic, dysfunctional and abusive.
 I lived my life and I, I realized, wow, my, my passion is dancing, and I could not even think about dancing when, when I was living in my home, there was no way with everything that was going on, it was basically fighting a war in your own house every single day. So I had to put that aside. Then I moved out and and that's when I started dancing, I started to basically begin my life in a way. And I am a dancer. Acting comes pretty naturally to me. And and Osso Safe, my company, started out as a one woman show that I wrote, choreographed, performed in and I, it was entertaining and educational. And informative.
I made sure that I wanted it to be all those three, all those three characteristics, if you will. And I could not believe the amount, the education, these statistics that I was finding in the show, I played different women being abused, and then she goes to a good place. That's where the dancing comes in.
But then she's pulled back into the terror of violence, but the show ends very well, very empowering. And when I was researching, I said, Oh, my, these statistics are very, very alarming. And I didn't realize how common it was. I mean, I knew my story, but I didn't know how common it was. And I said, I have to turn this into a business.
I have to turn this into a service, just like anything else. So that way it actually gets resolved or at least begins to become resolved. And then, and my company was born basically. And I've been building it ever since.
Luke: [00:03:28] Yeah, no, and I think that's phenomenal. So was the dancing acting a coping mechanism that you used before really figuring out and going to therapy or how would you explain that where that passion came about?
Sabrina: [00:03:43] I always had it. I always had it even. I can remember now in my childhood. I think I always tried to include dance or, but I've had to suppress it. I had to suppress it. I had to not even put it on the back burner. I couldn't even think about it. I was, so it was so miserable in my home that I couldn't even think about it.
That that's the best way I could put it. And then I was free once I moved out... I was free to think then be and do how I pleased. And and I love dance. It's in my DNA, it's in my, it's in my blood. And I'm the only dancer in my family, really from both sides, my mother and my father. I mean, neither one of them danced into my knowledge.
Neither one of them pursued it at all. So I'm the only performer really in the family. And I. And I, the therapy, I did that in college. I did not dance in college. I'm a diehard clubber. I used to club a lot in New York city heavy, heavy duty, and I just loved it.
All the clubs that a lot of people are posting now from, from. Those days I mean, it wasn't very long ago, but limelight, palladium, USA Twila. I went to all of them and I felt like that's where I was born. That's where I was really born and I just took the dance floor. I just exploded on that dance floor.
I was so free. I experienced the freedom that I just never had. And my favorite type of music is techno. So a techno and house or tribal and I was going to therapy. I still do, as I mentioned, and. And then I gathered enough money to really take class and be dedicated. I hopped around between Broadway dance center steps and Alvin Ailey. It was basically catching up on a lot of lost time.
Luke: [00:05:55] And I'm curious, do you still have a relationship with your dad and your mom? Like how can you give me a little bit more detail there and I know that he abused your mom. Did he ever abuse you? And do you have that relationship still?
Sabrina: [00:06:10] He did,  he hit me once, but I witnessed him beat my mother countless times. I mean, it was just an ongoing physically, verbally, I don't know if there was sex abuse going on. I think I was too young to know the truth really, but verbal and physical abuse was just the regular. It was just regular, very normal.
And my father passed away three years ago  and my mother. I say to people when, when I got asked this question she exists for very much on the line. She is very obese. She's very withdrawn, very depressed. And yeah, it, it pains me a great deal. I've always tried to help her.
I've always tried to. In any way that I can and with Osso Safe. I, I'm hoping that once I gain more momentum, I could really make a difference in her life, and it's just that she's suffered  such like decades of abuse that  she really doesn't want to help herself. And yeah, it pains me a great deal.
And you would think that after your abuser dies, that, you could start picking up the pieces or get your life together, but it doesn't work out that way after so many years of abuse, it's like your spirit, your will is gone as well, so yeah that's the current situation you're live with my parents.
Luke: [00:07:46] And were they together until your dad died? Or did your mom get out from underneath that, that abuse in that cloud?
Sabrina: [00:07:56] No, they were married until my father's passing. She never left. And I mean, thinking back now they were married in Italy and he was substantially older than her. So he was 14 years older than her. So it's very easy to control someone when you're that much older.
And they came here from Italy at right after getting married. And my mother basically was engaged at 16, married at 17, and had me at 18 years old. So she's basically a product of a child marriage to put it, in modern times back then, it was just common, even now it's common.
I forgot what that statistic is, but there's enormous amount of child marriage, and it's just appalling. And I would say my mother is. One of those statistics. She really didn't have a choice. And and I think it was very hard for her to leave.
I mean, I go back and forth on that. Ma, why didn't you leave?  And she did try.  She did go to the divorce lawyers. I remember this as a child then. I would go on her behalf and I was a young kid then, because the situation was just unbearable  but she, she just stayed and she was a, a victim. She still is a victim, unfortunately.
Luke: [00:09:29] Yeah,  that's horrible. And I'm so sorry that you had to grow up in an environment like that in the first place. A lot of the times there's there's trauma that comes from that for you. Did you see your relationships with men be effected. Did you have trust issues with men? I'm really curious to hear how that impacted you and your future relationships with  men.
Sabrina: [00:09:58] Yes. It most definitely impacted my relationships with men. I was very distrustful would be the correct word and actually, I think because I had therapy in college, and I use the therapists that were right on, on the college campus.
So it was free. And looking back now that I had a good amount of good men in my life actually dating when I was going out. But I, I didn't trust that. It sounds weird, but I think because I had years of therapy and I, I knew what I didn't want. Like I knew what my father did. I didn't want that. I was smart enough to know that, or, or maybe not in a fog, I guess, or that I said to myself, I don't want to end up like my mother. So as I was dating and going out and just having my experiences, I realized looking back now, wow. I had a good amount of good men in my life and I just didn't trust it though.
I didn't give them enough credit or I would leave. And I mean, obviously there were a few that, they, they would be maybe a little bit controllingand I just would, would stop it right there. I would be like, bye. I would say, Oh, this is, this is headed in a bad direction. I consider this as going. So as soon as I felt controlled in any way, I would just disappear. So looking back, there were men in my life and I, I just I realize now, and I say this to people whenever, in my business that you have to express the burden. And it's very hard to do that when you had so much bad than your life. Because then you're just that used to that. So anything that's good will feel foreign to you. It will feel very strange. I knew what I didn't want in a guy because my father was the epitome everything I didn't in every sense of the word, in every sense of the word. 
Luke: [00:12:14] Yeah,  I think that's a really good explanation. And I liked how you touched on a lot of key points there in your sense of what you've seen either through research or through commonalities the work that you do, what would you say is a big cause of that relationship of violence in men? Is it drinking drugs, pornography? Like what would you say is a real common denominator of a lot of this type of behavior?
Sabrina: [00:12:43] I would say it's a number of factors, but the main one, the main one is how we raise our boys. So if you live in an environment in a home environment where there is. Abuse violence, chaos, disfunction, or even on a lighter level, I don't, I don't want to say there is no such thing as a light level of violence or abuse, but if you hear in your household, maybe no one's beating the crap out of anybody.
Maybe there's nothing physically violent going on, but if you hear over and over. That women and girls are bitches sluts, fours, tramps,leases. floosies, thots bimbos skanks and all the other lovely titles that are given to us that will create hostility as you, as you date girls, and then new or in adult relationships with women.
If you see your dad, how your dad is treating a mom, and this goes for whether they're divorced or whether they're together, it really doesn't matter. It's how you see your, your mother and father, how they treat each other and also other people in the family. Your maybe your aunt and uncle or your grandmother and grandfather.
And I think what we do to our boys, it's actually very criminal because we tell them from a very young age and it starts practically in the womb where we say things like he's a boy and he's going to be a football player or and then the, the child, the boy is born and already, we start with stop crying like a girl don't throw like a girl, stop being a sissy, be a man man up.
And, and, and these boys. They're expressing themselves and right away, we shut them up. We don't allow them to cry. We don't allow them to express their feelings unless it's anger and rage. And a big component of this also is pornography. We are in the United States, the biggest consumers and producers of pornography.
And pornography is 88.2% physical aggression towards women. Now I, I find that very alarming and I know of women, mothers, or just people that I know in my life that actually did pornography to their sons to teach them about sex. And that is extremely detrimental, extremely scary. And then we wonder why boys, they become violent in their relationships, whether it be a pastoral relationship, whether it be they're dating someone that's serious.
And so it is extremely, we have to be mindful of that. And please don't misunderstand me. As I say, in my speaking engagements, in my seminars and workshops, I'm not talking about sexual freedom. We are all for sexual freedom at Osso Safe. And pornography is the exact opposite of freedom. And there is something called and I want to speak to your, your audience.
Especially if they are primarily men there's something called the financial dominatrix. And in reality, she is a paid sex abuser. And I must mention this because this is a genre of pornography that I was not that I wasn't aware of it. I mean, I knew about it. I, I knew what they did. This is where the woman is, she is paid by her client who is typically a guy to sexually abuse him or to, to verbally physically sexually abused him. And it's on camera. And I find this very, very disturbing because unbeknownst to me these women are very dangerous. And they will stop at nothing to get what they want. And men that become their clients are also disturbed to a certain degree.
And these women are, they are if you think about it, what are they? They are humiliatioinexperts. They expect their victims to obey and it's in the word in their title, financial dominatrix. What is an abuser? An abuser humiliates. They they dominate and they expect for their victims to obey.
So I wanted to make a point to say that this is all tied in with pornography, with sex trafficking, with child sex trafficking, it's all related. And we really have to stay away from pornography. And where women are the abuser in a financial dominatrix situation has she's the paid sex abuser.
And these women, I can say they are very dangerous and they infiltrate in our societies. So to all you men out there knew you deserve better, knew you deserve to be in a good relationship. Just as much as the women are. This is not a healthy relationship. And like I said, this has nothing to do with sexual freedom.
All we are all for sexual freedom. I'd also say that it's not about that, but this is the opposite of freedom.
Luke: [00:18:41] No, and I, I totally agree with that. And there's a lot of danger on, on all sides out there, especially with pornography and I actually had a, I had a couple of guests on, I've had a porn star on and I've had a porn addiction expert on, and it's interesting how the perspectives on, you should really shouldn't use it as a educational aspect of, of sex.
And I'm really against that using it as a, as education myself. Cause it's. For me if young men are exposed to it from a really young age, and they're seeing the type of vulgar violent stuff that you alluded to, how 88.2% I think was the number of, you said and. If they're watching at a younger age and then they're having a first sexual experience with a woman, who's never seen it.
They're being those young women are being taught. What's normal, what that violence is normal in those sexual experiences. And they don't really question it from the start. And so from that start of their sexual journey, they are learning that they are just there to please the man or to be dominated in a lot of ways, which is what I think is really harmful part of, of a lot of that. And especially using it as education. So I'm surprised that women  use it as education for their, for their children. Cause I would've thought maybe it's more men having that conversation and men encouraging their kids. But you said that it's the mothers.
Sabrina: [00:20:03] I mean, I would say it's both. And I'm glad that you said that that is, should not be a part of any normal sex education for their children. But it, both of them, I would say yes fathers and mothers, or you even have the scenario where the father will give some pornographic material to their son and the mother doesn't say anything or we'll say something like boys will be boys and, or I don't want my son to turn out day Oh, I'd rather him look at porn.
I mean, these are all. You're you're really putting fuel to the fire of violence. And you're you're, I hate to sound that you're asking for it for lack of a better phrase, you're asking for it, where then these boys grow up and like you said, Luke they think that this is normal and then maybe their girlfriend will think that this is normal where he acts like a pimp and she is his prostitute or she is prostituted to his friends and in pornography, that is a very common theme over and over again. So these are not healthy ways to express oneself sexually. And it is extremely detrimental on all ends from all angles. So I'm glad that you, that you had. People from the porn industry, if you will, on your show because people have to get educated, especially with, like I said, the financial dominatrix part of it. I, it, it's very disturbing, revolting, and it needs to become more where we talk about it more so that way people are aware and it's all tied into track to trafficking. To child sex trafficking bondage. What is it? BDSM bondage, domination, sadomasochism.
Luke: [00:22:04] Yeah. Yeah. And so I'm curious in a lot of those conversation with domestic violence, And porn addiction. A lot of it seems to be men. But a lot of the time when it comes to these things, a matter of both the problem and the solution, which I know that you don't want to paint all men as bad.
That's not what you're, you're what you're doing at all. And, and I don't think that either, how can men be the solution in a lot of these cases? What do you proclaim or say to these men that are looking to do better and looking to, I guess, change the violent part of themselves? If, if you work with both the abusers and the victim
Sabrina: [00:22:42] yes. If I may, we have products that we are bringing into the market to the real estate industry in residency and just residency, whether you live in a, a townhouse, a co-op or condo, a single family home, a multi-family dwelling, whatever it is. And it's something called the Ossa Safe, sweet home package. And this is for landlords and tenants where we do education. It consists of three main, three main items, policy, a seminar, and an app. So the app is the technology portion of it, but the policy and the seminar is the education portion of it. Where we go in and we don't wait for the violence to occur.
What we do is on the preventative side, we're saying, look, have us come into your buildings where we educate everyone, whether it's new or existing tenants. And we educate them on facts, statistics, warning signs, definitions of abused. The difference between abuse and discipline. Just to name a few items.
We go over aspects of pornography. We go over something called breaking the gender code. So where boys are educated, whatever age they are, boys, teenagers or adults on what a healthy relationship consists of. And this also goes the same for women for girls. What a healthy and helping nurturing relationship is.
And you can have a one night stand with someone. You shouldn't be judged as a whore or as a stud or whatever. All those titles that I mentioned to you earlier in the interview, the labels, whether you have a one night stand or you're in a relationship or you're dating or whatever the case may be. Let yourself be free to experience what it is that you want to experience, but do not ever have that those experiences pause the line of abuse of, of violence.
So if it's before example for the boys, We teach them that in order to become a man, you do not dominate women and girls at any point in time in their life. And their education needs to be, needs to be done early on. Now, when we do this education in residency, obviously we have all different age groups and our audience, if you will, for tenancy.
So there's adult males, adults, e-mails there's children. So we educate everyone. And then we divide everyone into groups and so that way, okay, you live in my building. I'm your landlord. I promise to provide you a safe space for you to live. You wouldn't turn as my tenant. You promise to not act in any way, shape or form that is abusive.
Otherwise you, the abuser that's immediately evicted from the premises. So that way, this mitigates liability. You maintain proper reputation, your tenants feel safe and, and you're fostering a culture of safety non-violence in your building and the victims. The, the, yes, the victims, quote, unquote, get to stay in the building, provided that they could still pay the rent.
So we are marketing this to landlords and tenants. And I really believe that this will catch on in a big way, especially now that people are honed down and there has been such a huge spike in home violence and domestic violence ever since we have the stay at home orders. So homes must be safe... now more than ever, because if you're home bound well, you're with your abuser. Where are you going to the state to whether it be male or female? Yes. 85% of all spouse murderers are male. But that's not to say that women don't abuse and abuse is horrible no matter what gender, the, the abusive hand takes form. It's, it's horrible either way, especially for the children. 
So boys have to be taught very early on that this is not how you become a man and let it be okay that they cry. Let it be okay. That they don't like football. And we, we do this education at schools and universities and also in the workplace. So concentrating in those three markets: homes, schools, and workplaces, so that where the information really, really sinks in and it has to be a practice.
So the more that men practice safety and women for that matter, The more, they will have better relationships. They will have self respect, we have to practice self respect. And, and that is something that has to be on the forefront of everyone's mind. Wow, I got taught the warning signs at the also safe homes with home seminar.
And one of the warning signs is if, if I am, if anything is removed from my life, whether it be a friend or a family member or money that's a warning sign that you are headed towards a very bad relationship. So have the courage to leave, to, to stop the relationship and leave. Both men and women are worthy of having healthy relationships.
I would say those are your best safe barns to both men and women.
Luke: [00:28:33] Yeah. And you talked about being home-bound, which is obviously a huge problem right now. I think I read statistics on the amount of domestic violence has gone up with COVID and being home. Have you seen that? I'm really curious to hear what you are seeing in your job, in your career, at your company about how the home life is becoming violent right now, especially with everyone being home.
Sabrina: [00:28:58] Yes. If I'm not mistaken domestic violence. And I, I don't know if this statistic is nationally on a global level, but it has risen something like 80%, I mean, that is extremely alarming. So there are more hotline calls like domestic violence hotline calls, than ever before there is more violence because these people unfortunately, where are you going to hide? And you cannot go to your local Dunkin donuts. If you will, with you, let's say you, you would inside out at a cafe or in the workplace longer. Maybe you would stay there until, seven, eight o'clock. So that way your abusive husband or wife. They would go to their job at that point.
So you really didn't run into them. So all of these factors come into play and I would say now more than ever, we need to really make home safe, which is what we're doing. It also safe to make this a standard condition, revise the, see right off the bat, let's make this part of tenancy. So that way people. So that way everybody's responsible for everyone's safety, the landlord, the tenants, the property managers, the superintendent everybody's got to do their parts. It's a group effort. I would say with COVID it definitely has increased and we really need to do more. And I feel like the work that we're doing and the products and services that we're offering is very timely because for the first time we're making this a part of residency.
And I feel very badly for the children because the children are the ones that suffer the most. And I was one of those kids. It's very traumatic for a child to see dad beat up mom or mom, beat up dad, or or they're getting abused. Sexual abuse has increased. It has really been detrimental all around.
So this is more reason why residency must become safer on a residential aspect in every regard. We can't just throw our hands up in the air and say, Oh it's a domestic dispute. It's none of my business. No, it's, it's everyone's business.
Luke: [00:31:31] That's a great way of putting it. How can people, like, how do you encourage people to get involved? How do you encourage people? Because for myself, fortunately, I've never been a victim of home, domestic violence. How would you encourage someone like me or someone who's listening, who doesn't really go through that to help their friends?
Like a lot of the times, I wouldn't even know who my friends are in a lot of the situation or, or who's going through domestic violence, but how would you say that people like me could support victims of this type of activity?
Sabrina: [00:32:07] Yes. That's a very good question. On my website,  Ossosafe.com. I have a lot of the warning signs. So I would say anyone that's not, that is not in a, in a, in an abusive relationship. Know what the warning signs are. A couple of them are: if you see that your friend used to be one, one personality, for example, they were outgoing. They were very talkative. They were, they were spirited. And then all of a sudden that started dropping where they internalize maybe they don't, they don't go out as much. That could be a signal or a warning sign that maybe they're in a bad relationship. And you can start asking questions as simple as is everything okay?
I'm here, I'm here for you. I will listen to you. And, and, and nothing more is needed at that point in time, because at least they know that you're there and they're willing to listen. Another warning sign is if they're, if they have a black eye and they're hiding it with sunglasses and there's no sun outside, I mean, they'll give you an excuse oh yeah I fell and I, I bumped into something and, and you sense that, wow, that doesn't even sound right. That doesn't sound like the salary that I always know, or the, the Tom that I always know. You have to know Luke and I speak to everyone that's not in an abusive relationship. You are instrumental in this equation because you are what we strive to be, what we need to be.
And by you being in good relationships, newer already showing people that are in bad relationships, that it's possible that, "wow, I don't have to. It doesn't have to be this way" where there's always doors being slammed and things being broken and being pulled a piece of garbage and being smacked. And, and the other day he pulled my hair and she just burned my hand with her cigarette and, and the kicking and screaming and the police.
So just by you being in a good relationship and expressing to your partner, look, I appreciate you. I want you to know that I'm here for you. With your non abusive partner, you are already setting the example for people that are in abusive relationships and to, and to be repetitive.
Say I'm here for you. I want you to know that just in case, if anything is going on you deserve better and really get us in their residency. Right now we're marketing our services to to landlords and tenants. So get us  in, into those buildings. And just say, look, I came across this. This the owner of also safe and, and she doesn't single anyone out.
No one is no one in, in her seminars. Oh, you must look like an abuser. You must, you must look like a victim and do a blanket education for everyone. So that way in case anyone in our audience is in an abusive relationship, they don't feel like they're alone. They don't feel that the responsibility of safety is all in their hands.
They could feel like, Oh wow, I'm living in a building that is going to be Osso Safe, certified. He's not he or she is not going to be able to get away with half the stuff that they've been getting away because now it's a standard condition. So just by you being in a good relationship, you are setting an example, a huge example for people that needs to see that and see that it is possible for them.
 Luke: [00:36:21] Yeah. And that's, that's fantastic. One other question I have is a lot of the times people wonder why victims  never leave. It's a question that I've asked myself a lot of times because I've had friends not in, not who were  in a situation of domestic violence, but they were in like a abusive relationship. Why, what is it? What is the psychology? What is the reason why people and women don't leave their men when it comes to these situations?
 Sabrina: [00:36:49] I feel that they are in a, in a Is, they are in a situation like in residency, let's say they're married. I feel. And we also said, we feel that you shouldn't leave, you're not the one that should leave. You're the victim, you should stay right where you are, stay right where you are with the children, whether it's the, it's the mother of the father or the, the husband or the wife or the ex-girlfriend and the ex-boyfriend, whatever the case may be.
So if you're in a marriage, or you just signed a lease somewhere and, and you are the victim, you shouldn't leave. So that's how we feelat Ossa Safe. It's the abuser that has to leave. But the reason why people don't leave, there are 50 reasons.
And I go over 50 reasons in my, in my seminars and workshops and speaking engagements. Everything from money. Money's a big factor. If your abuser is the breadwinner, the main bread winner in your, in your household, it makes it very difficult to, to just up and leave. And other reasons are for the children.
My mother would say that all the time, my mother would say, Oh, I can't leave. Where am I going to go? Daddy is the one that makes the money and I don't know English and no one can help us. So that that's another big factor is if your abuser is the bread winner for religious purposes for children for, if they come from violence themselves, then, then they're used to it in a way, they said this is normal.
The abuser is very good at manipulating and dominating their victims. So they make constant threats to their victims. Whether it be the wife, the girlfriend, the husband, the boyfriend, especially the children.
So people have to understand that when you are told every single day, you're a piece of garbage, you're not going to make it without me. I will kill you. If you try to lose, I'm going to kill our children if you even think about been. I'm going to take the children with them, even think about leaving.
How are you supposed to leave when you're told that every single day, all day long? You're not going to leave. It's not that simple.  If You or your abuser, is it prominent figure... let's say you are a politician and you are in a homosexual relationship. Not abuser can threaten I'm going to out new to everyone and you will never be able to run for office again. You'll never be able to show your face in public events. So these are all tactics that abusers use to manipulate, dominate, and control their victims. So it makes it very hard to leave. And one statistic that I, I should mention. Once a woman decides to leave. She is 75% more likely to be killed. So if the odds are stacked that highly against you, would you leave?
It doesn't and then you have, if you have children, it makes it a thousand times worse. Then you have to uproot your children. You're on the run, like a refugee. And the shelters I have to say, I know of one shelter that the director confided in me. She said that they turn away at least  a hundred women per year due to lack of funds, lack of resources, lack of spacing.
So you have a woman who musters up the courage to finally bolt to a shelter, and then she's turned away because they don't have the room. They don't have the space. They don't have the resources. She's as good as almost dead. I have to say because she actually found the courage to go to a shelter and then she can't even stay there.
So she's going to go back to where she is and, and, and take it for quote unquote for lack of a better phrase, and it's not easy to leave. So we educate people that that is not the route that we should be. This is that that's not the the mentality that we need to have in helping victims and in, in solving this, the epidemic of violence in the home.
Luke: [00:41:39] That's a horrific stat about the fact that 75% more likely to be killed if they leave. And then it's worse with children. That's just a horrible statistic. I, I guess, to round off the conversation what do you think is the solution to a lot of this?
You mentioned therapy for yourself is, do you think therapy and everyone should go through therapy. I'm really curious to hear what you think the, the grand scheme solution to a lot of this is.
Sabrina: [00:42:06] Yes. There'll be definitely, we are big proponents of, of therapy in any capacity, whether it be group or individual. And I want to say that in the beginning, you're you're. You're going to go through some mind games with yourself. Like, why am I going? This is stupid. What if somebody finds out, how long do I have to go to therapy?
What if this doesn't work? I can't afford it. And that is all common resistance towards therapy. What I want to say is. Let those voices be in your head and go anyway. And not all therapists are created equal by far. there are so many therapists out there and you have to maybe try on a few for size in order to find the right fit for you.
Let that be okay. Let that be okay. Like I said, I feel that the biggest. Solution is by combining education and technology, and we are doing this at Osso Safe. So I'm hoping that the more podcasts that I do. The more momentum we will, we will have where we get into every residency and we provide the education and he don't wait for violence to happen because people then, because this is on a preventative scale that we have to be where everyone is educated.
Everyone signs a policy and everyone is responsible for their own safety. And this makes for good residency all around for the landlord for tenants. Yes, therapy is part of the, of our program, for sure. Because you can't do this alone. There is no way as a victim or even a non victim that you can solve the problems that, that just in your daily life, you cannot solve these problems by yourself.
And there is no shame in getting help, there's shame in not getting help, as we said. And this has to be a practice loop. Like we have to practice safety, for example, when, when you're dating someone and you want them to a problem, new are maybe it's communication. It's a lack of communication. Maybe something got misunderstood.
This is a practice we have to practice non-violence practice. You're going to fight with your significant other. You're going to have arguments that's normal. But it should never cross the line of abuse. Not physically, verbally, not sexually, whatever. There's no excuse for that. So we'd like to say that this is an ongoing practice that everyone has to, has to adopt in their daily lives.
If your kid comes home and they want to tell you that their day the option is not to beat them up. You don't want to verbally disparage them. You don't want to beat them up and you don't want to attack them. You want to be able to handle this and the most mature, loving, understanding, compassionate way possible.
So these are all aspects of family life that occur and, and we have to practice safety on a regular basis.
Luke: [00:45:48] Amazing. And I think that's a great way to leave the conversation. But Sabrina, I want to give you some time to tell people where they can find you on social media, on website. I know you have a Ted talk too. It's amazing. I recommend everyone go check it out. I'll leave it in the description below, but where can people find you and connect with you to learn more about Osso Safe in the work that you're, you're continuing to do?
Sabrina: [00:46:11] Yes. My website is  Ossosafe.com. That's O S S O and then the word safe. S a F e.com. My email address is sabrina@ossosafe.com. I'm on all the major social media platforms. Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Alignable Instagram and a few others that it's slipping my mind right now, but and I, I am, I am working on our may children's book actually.
But it's premature to talk about that, but I will have that on my website when it does come out. And then all of my products and services are on my website. It's just so important that people need to realize abuse is not to be a part of anyone's life of anyone's residency period, over and out.
So we need to really get that drilled into our psyche in our DNA. And and to make sure that we never put a stat line in any regard whatsoever.
Luke: [00:47:14] Beautiful Sabrina. Thank you so much for joining me here today was a pleasure to have you on talk about domestic violence. I know it's a heavy topic. Thank you for sharing our story, how we can con continue to improve what some of the signs are. And just continue to build a society of healthier men and families and homes. So I appreciate everything that you're doing. And, and thank you very much.
Sabrina: [00:47:38] Thank you. Thank you very much.